Tuesday – Coming out of the bubble
Well yesterday afternoon went well but I hardly slept last night, three hours at the most. Believe it or not, I feel over stimulated by meditation which is a bit crazy considering there has been so little external stimulus and the objective has been to achieve a calm and peaceful state. But I’m at the point where I just feel like I want to keep meditating because my mind is primed for it, if that makes sense?
Monday – Expanding consciousness
Slept well and the morning meditations were better. I’m making a real effort to relax into the ‘outside’ beyond the confines of the physical body. The Instructor read some poems by Lalla, the 14th century Kashmiri saint and mystic, and something struck me about getting outside your mind. So I’ve been trying to do this and expand away from the confines of thoughts.
Sunday – Struggle
Woke up really out of sorts today. Got angry at my friend for ‘stealing’ the last piece of toast from me at breakfast… Wooooaahh very irrational … I’m cranky and irritable and increasingly annoyed by the actions of others, hogging food is my particular irritant… oh boy not good… But this is what meditation is all about right? To illuminate what is really going on, or not going on, in your mind, and to realise how out of control it is? There was no escape I just had to sit with it.
Saturday – Intuition and emotion
Slept much better but had a lot of weird dreams. My intuition has kicked in and I’m picking up on the energy of the others. A woman I thought looked uncomfortable and separate from the rest of us left at lunchtime. Another woman seems angry and aggressive.
Friday – A good start
Had trouble sleeping last night probably due to the unfamiliar surroundings and excitement. I was the first one in the meditation hall this morning and tried to do a few stretches before we began. The meditations all went well and so far so good with the silence. A third of the attendees are friends and I thought that would make it very weird but apart from a few awkward moments at breakfast we all ignore each other beautifully. Avoiding eye contact definitely makes it easier. What I am finding difficult however, is not sharing observations.
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